Monthly Archives: February 2015

NEDA 2015

For my sufferers and survivors: I wish you strength to fight for health every day; to choose life; to find the freedom that is possible and to hope for it. I wish peace for you in your distress. I pray that you love yourself gently, then fiercely and without question. No love is merely deserved. It is necessary for our very existance and God gave it freely to the undeserving. Remember this every time you hate everything about yourself, when ED whispers lies that you hold as truth or as you recall the gospel of starvation to mind. I hope you find the perseverance to fight ED in any way possible: even the small ways are victories within us. I wish you passion instead of numbness. I wish you fullness of mind and spirit and even body instead of this all consuming emptiness. I pray that the demons which dog your soul would be put to flight – that you will have the faith to fight the good fight. I hope you never give up, even in the depths of your darkness. Believe.

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21 Heart-Punching Quotes That Will Make You Fall In Love With Poetry

Thought Catalog

It’s no secret that I love poetry. Like, if I could wake up and eat poetry for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I probably would. (Okay, sometimes I do). I’ve put together a list with quotes from some of my favorite poets, and let me tell you, *feels* will be felt. All feels relevant.


“You could tie my tongue
My lips, my teeth
Split them into surrender
Into a foreign language
And I would still manage
To cough up your name.”

– Danielle Shorr, “Let”


“Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.”

Pablo Neruda, “Here I Love You”


“They don’t know I only speak in runaway train stations
and everybody…

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The Kidney Saga Continueth…

The long weekend; our first valentines day; a trip to a mountain resort: I end up in hospital – again. Last weekend was my fourth trip to emergency in as many months for the same kidney problem that no one seemed to be able to get to the bottom of. The boyfriend and I, (who are now living together for anyone who cares), took the kids and went away. Everything should have been perfect except I spent 7 hours on valentines day in the hospital. I was distressed until the nurse gave me a “bottle of wine” through my IV (morphine) and leaned on my bed to chat with me and cheer me up.

I followed up with my doctor and had my IUD removed when we got back to town. The kidney pain was gone within a couple of hours. It was in for 2 weeks when the first bout of kidney problems started. It took me until January to ask the doctor if it could be the IUD causing the recurring problems and she told me it wasn’t. I did more research online and it seems that many women have recurring UTIs with and IUD. Having fragile kidneys it didn’t take much to upset them.

The one positive, if we are counting it as a positive, is that I haven’t binged and purged in 2.5 months. Now I feel the urge to get back to my ED knowing that it didn’t f**k my kidneys up this time.

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ED Awareness Month

It is that time of the year when some time is dedicated to a campaign shedding light on the horror that destroys our lives.

I have nothing eating disordered to report. I have not thrown up since early December. I have not really restricted. None of this means that I don’t look at myself and shudder. I have that permanent, creeping revulsion when I see my body. It radiates through me, out of me and consumes me like the calories I stare at with love and fear. It may be in whatever version of remission this is, until my kidneys recover and I snap. Until then, be strong my darlings. Fight the good fight and never give up. You are worth so much more than this living hell.

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Plus Sized and Why We Are All F**ked Up

Congratulations Sports Illustrated for featuring this “plus-sized” model. You have done more harm than good. This is what normal women look like, f**kers.

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