Hello From Both Of Us

245491-fetus-ultrasoundAfter a little hiatus, I have decided to write again. I am pregnant again and have made it to the second trimester, so we are sharing our news with everyone. After the miscarriage, this pregnancy seemed tenuous and frought with anxiety. There was nothing anyone could say to put my mind at ease that this baby would stay with me on earth.

In November we discovered some medical complications that resulted in a surgery. The last 2 months have been a whirl of hospital visits: surgeons, radiologists, obstetricians, enodcirnologists, nurses, doctors and of course myriad tests: ultrasounds, x-rays, MRIs, blood tests, weight, blood pressure, heart rate…

The list goes on, but nothing measured the anguish and suffering in the mother’s heart.

Today I am recovering from surgery which went well. Baby is thriving from what we can see on ultrasounds. Through all of this, I have continued in the ED recovery program where I see a case manager, medical doctor, nutritionist, psychologist and occupational therapist. As much as I want this child more than anything in this life, I cannot describe the distress of gaining weight as someone with an eating disorder.

Since we confirmed the pregnancy, I have not once binged, purged, restricted or over exercised. The desire is there constantly, but I felt that I could not do that to my unborn child and live with the consequences. It is strange that not taking care of myself has never concerned me, but I cannot hurt my unborn child by continuing with my ED.

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29 thoughts on “Hello From Both Of Us

  1. What amazing news! Way to be strong and protect this sweet little babe! We have much in common. Recovering from ED. I lost my last babe too. And am in the second trimester with twins. I totally understand your fears, emotions and anxieties with this pregnancy! Keep your faith up and stay strong! Amazing what a mother’s love for their child will do! There are no limits! ❤️

    • Thank you for your support! I am so excited to hear that you have twins on the way. Sending you peace and strength to carry your babies with xx

    • Have you had your twins yet?! I hope that you are all happy and healthy. xx

      • I actually had my twins just yesterday! They came at 34 weeks and 4 days. Two identical boys weighing in at 4 pounds and 4.3 pounds. They are in the NICU and will be staying there until they grow enough and learn to eat. My heart is very full! And I know my angel baby has been protecting, guiding, and watching over us thus far. I too need to update my blog and check in. I hope all is well. Have you had your baby yet?

  2. keedaa says:

    I’m so happy to hear this. May God bless you both with health in the rest of your pregnancy and bring your baby safely into the world.

  3. stephrader says:

    Congratulations. I don’t know if I’ll get there again but I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and for a healthy and happy baby. ❤️

  4. anadancer says:

    Congratulations! I wish a happy and healthy time for you over the coming months xx

  5. I screamed when I saw this in my inbox!! First because I am always thinking of you so I LOVED seeing a blog!! Secondly because congrats!!! Thirdly sounds like as hard as it is you are doing so well!! Stay strong and stick with it lady!!

    Please keep blogging if you can because I’m scared as hell and I don’t know what it’s going to be like to be pregnant with ED.

  6. dontsayes says:

    So happy for you. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy!

  7. thehumanhurricane says:

    This post, your journey to date has made me cry. I’m so jolly pleased for you and very proud of you. So many therapists have said ‘pregnancy will be a healing and challenging time.’ I know it must be so difficult but also your dreams realised …. Wow. Love to you and bump. God bless, in my prayers xxx

  8. thehumanhurricane says:

    I wrote a big ol’ message!! Then it went.

    Your post and journey has me in tears. I’m so happy for you. Time for healing. Baby loves you. He/she needs you and you can feel it that’s why you’ve been on top of your ed. Suddenly your body is so beautiful and ultimately important.

    You rock.. You are in my thoughts and prayers …. Wow. Amazing xxxx

  9. Hannah says:

    I saw this and I smiled from ear to ear! You cannot believe how happy this news made me. Once I wrote here, I’ve been following your story for long time, and to see something wonderful like this it is beyond encouraging for us others who are also suffering with ED.
    Be well, watch yourself and your baby!
    A lot of love!

  10. Enamorana says:

    This is your rainbow baby, the beautiful colors after the storm. Sending my best for you and your little on from the Dominican Republic!

  11. NEARTH says:

    Hello there! My prayers are with you! You are a strong woman and one that deserved to be a mother. Hold on! I know that weight gaining can be incredibly suffering to a minds of many woman, but you can do it! Take to your spirituality, and do it for your baby, you’ll make it. I know you will. 🙂
    p.s. This post made my morning.

  12. K says:

    My darling, I am so incredibly happy for you. You are going to be such a wonderful mother. My heart is bursting with joy for you 🙂

  13. It’s been a while since I’ve been online. I suddenly wanted to know how you were holding up and came across this as your latest post 🙂 congrats! I totally understand all the thoughts rolling around your head…stay strong ❤

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