Monthly Archives: December 2013

According To My Dentist, My Eating Disorder Is In The Past

According To My Dentist, My Eating Disorder Is In The Past

Well that was news to me.

I saw a new dentist today. (My last dentist was my boyfriend so it was time for a new one as that relationship ended a year ago.)

The new dentist went through my health history with me, reading through all the boxes I had checked off on the form and writing notes next to them. Obviously I had checked off anorexia and bulimia as well as related conditions like anemia, fainting and chronic fatigue.

He worked through the list efficiently.
“Anorexia?” he asked. “In the past,” he answered his own question.
I can’t blame him. I don’t look “sick”, but I am exceedingly tired of health care professionals who cannot see eating disorders in normal or over weight patients.
“Bulimia?” he asked. “Same thing. In the past,” he answered before I could.
Now I was pissed off.
“Something like that,” I said sarcastically. “It just depends on the day.”
‘How fat am I?’ Is all I could think to myself.

Finally he got to the part where I had ticked “recent weight loss” on the form.
“You lost it recently or just in general?” he probed. He really did not want to believe that I have a problem.
“Seven pounds in 6 weeks,” I responded lying on the chair like a beached whale.
“Did you do this under supervision, like with your doctor?”
“No. I just do my own thing.”
This seemed to floor him. “Well someone should monitor that. If it is too much, perhaps you should see someone. You don’t want to lose too much weight”
“Of course,” I lied.

My eating disorder is in the past, don’t you know?

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STOP

I can’t stop eating.

My brain tells my body to stop. I eat regardless. It is as though my body is rebelling against my brain.

I bloat and spread and expand to the four corners of the earth. I am hideous to myself in a way that scares me. This half-life is no longer worth sustaining.

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