It has been a good start to the day. Still making up for my binge on Sunday with an hour on the elliptical yesterday and today.
I am bored, frustrated, hungry and tired. I am contemplating what to eat next. I have the next ten days off work and I am wondering whether I will use them to get myself out of this funk or not. I am merely surviving from one day to the next right now and it is not enough. I however, have had enough of this body that won’t co-operate.
The last one more accurately portrays what I believe when it comes to this topic. I do, however, believe that genetically we are pre-disposed to a certain height, weight and shape but that other factors such as lifestyle and diet can contribute to changing our size. I will always be 5’9″ and no matter how skinny, thin, ripped or muscley I get, my frame will remain (sadly), unballerina like!
I tried several tactics to avoid the binge/purge cycle today. They all failed. I failed. At least I am off laxatives for now. Perhaps a small victory in the face of a catastrophic loss.
Pity ED is such an extreme form of this….
How I don’t look like a skeleton is beyond me.
One of my coworkers said today, “how do you stay so nice and slim.”
That sent me into a rage. Not “thin” or “skinny”…..”slim” is just another synonym for “normal” which is another synonym for “fat”. I don’t want to be slim. I shouldn’t be slim when I put this much time and effort into ED. I should look like a walking sack of skin on bone. I don’t and that is the great ED mind f**k as far as I am concerned.*
Anyone have an ideas on getting passed this plateau or has anyone had similar experiences?
*Thanks to Greta for coining the phrase!
**I have hypothyroid which contributes to my inability to lose weight
***I have been off the pill for 3.5 months since my break up and just had my period so maybe my hormones are haywire?