Anything but gym

Lately I have developed a loathing for going to gym which I have never really had before. I am so disinterested in it. In fact since the miscarriage, I have lost interest in a lot of things I used to care about.

This week I avoided going to the gym by using every excuse I could think of:

  • I’m tired
  • I’m depressed
  • I think I’m getting sick
  • I should put in more time at work
  • I feel sad

On several occasions I got into my car to go to work. Once I even ended up at my gym. I parked my car and walked into the mall instead of the gym. I bought two pairs of shoes. I bought lunch and a coffee. I walked past the gym, got back in my car and went back to work where I ate my feelings.

I just don’t care anymore. My size and weight are distressing to me, but not enough to do anything about it. I lay in bed the other night not wanting to do anything. I don’t want to go to work or see friends or make plans. I just want nothingness; the absence of everything except perhaps a book and a bottle of wine.

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9 thoughts on “Anything but gym

  1. heartlectics says:

    So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have been absent from blogging and missed this. I know the depression that takes over. It’s seems so exasperating that exercise once was ruling your life and then to feel so estranged from it. Are you in therapy?

    • I am not in therapy at the moment but I know that I need to go because it has been 2 months and I am getting worse not better. How are you? You have been gone for a bit. Hope everything is ok xx

      • heartlectics says:

        I’m good. Finished therapy. Have only 3, 6 and 12 month check ins to go. I have my maintenance plan. It’s been tough this first week trying to maintain recovery. But my life is sooooo much better now, even with the added me. I can work and achieve. I can manage my children. I can feed them now without a breakdown or shouting at them to not eat sugar. I feel myself going to far the other way. Not keeping my emotional eating in check. So am just about to sit and reflect about that. Xoxo recovery was the hardest thing for me for a year or two, but I couldn’t keep living as a shell forever. Learning to manage emotions is absolute key. I wish you all the love to get yourself there.

      • I am so happy to hear how well you are doing! You deserve health and sanity and happiness and not just to survive but to thrive in your life. I am so proud of you. It is a huge step and a huge accomplishment. Keep me posted on your progress. I am cheering you on every step of the way xx

      • heartlectics says:

        Sure will. I will try to keep my blog updated 🙂

  2. You might not be ready yet for the gym and that is okay. But this is telling you you do need something else to help you. Art therapy? Let me tell you it has been very helpful! Collaging is great!! Tearing and expressing your ideas through that! One of my bffls swears by painting. Friendship bracelets helped me when I had a load of anxiety and energy and I could bring it anywhere to do.

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