Guilt, Anxiety, Stress.

I am beside myself with anxiety.

My mum has been here for nearly 2 weeks. As much as I love having her here, it has added a lot of stress. Work has been extremely busy and ridiculously unpleasant. If I am at work, I am worried about my mum being left alone all day doing nothing. If I take time off work to spend with my mum, I am wracked with guilt about not being at work. I can’t seem to balance everything. I seem to be failing miserably and driving myself crazy with anxiety instead of enjoying my time with her.

I don’t know what to do. I have a performance review at work tomorrow which I am dreading even though my boss has never indicated to me that he is not happy with my work. I always anticipate the worst. I have considered resigning this week from the stress even though I don’t want to leave my job. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I was so overwhelmed by everything. I have been quite depressed for reasons I will explain another time.

I am fat and discontent. I keep eating and drinking trying to escape from the anxiety that will not ebb.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

11 thoughts on “Guilt, Anxiety, Stress.

  1. *biggest hugs*
    I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. I find having guests to be so exhausting, no matter how much I enjoy their company. Two full weeks would have me at my wit’s end! Don’t resign! Your mom will go home soon and you’ll be able to catch up on rest and you’ll be ok again. In the meantime, I’ll be fat and discontent with you. ❤

    • Thanks hun. I think that the reason I feel so guilty is because I love my mum, but its created so much more stress and even stressed my relationship with my boyfriend and no matter what I do I can’t win. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t. And I just can’t stop eating 😦

      • Does it help if I tell you I’m about to binge on Chinese food? (I know it doesn’t, but I’m trying.)

      • It helps…I am about to binge on anything I can find. I tried to talk to my mother tonight about my work stress and debilitating anxiety about the review tomorrow and she basically told me to stop being so negative. I wonder why my boyfriend thought he would bring her here to make me feel better…
        I told her that this is the reason she lives far away and has nothing to with my life. She has been here 2 weeks and is already tired of listening to what I have to deal with on a daily a basis. I don’t blame her. I am tired of listening to myself.

      • My 3rd psychiatrist in a row canceled on me today and the only way I know to handle it is to binge and purge until I calm the fuck down. It’s been hours. No luck so far.
        Any idea when your mom is going home?

      • Yes she goes home next week and then I will be sad about that…

        Sorry about your psychiatrist canceled. I would be doing the same as you. Actually, I am..trying to calm the fuck down too! xx

  2. Hang in there soldier girl!! I am so sorry it’s been rough!! Hopefully soon the silver lining will become apparent and things will turn around!

    Soon things will go back to your norm.

  3. Grainne says:

    Hey my sweet pea. I know it’s going to be sad when your mom goes but you’ll soon feel back to normal. I find it super stressful to have people visiting, like I always have to be entertaining them and it kind of suffocates me.

    Much love to you xxx Hope you start feeling better very soon.

    • I was so very sad when she left. I love my mother so much. I felt so guilty over not wanting her here when my boyfriend “surprised” me with her visit. I wish he could have brought her at Christmas when I could have had time to spend with her and not have to be crazy trying to balance work and my mum and failing miserably on all fronts!
      We had such a lovely time together and I only wish she was always here sitting on my couch, giving me advice about my relationship and life and drinking wine with me.
      I hope you are well xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: