I finally went back to gym today.
After nearly 4 weeks of being depressed and unmotivated, I dragged myself there and it felt good. I sweated and exercised long past the burn. I remembered endorphins and exhaustion and how satisfying it is to pound my anxiety away. Sadly, last night I caught my reflection whilst wearing a bikini. The extra girth and heaviness and cellulite was upsetting. I think I haven’t fully acknowledged how much size I have gained in the past 2 months. I am not brave enough yet to weigh myself.
I did however, come home, eat dinner, purge it, eat second dinner with my boyfriend and purge that too. Everything else today was coffee and celery. I feel like I am back on track.