Expectations 

  

The moment I was so sure was not going to happen, happened. My boyfriend left to collect the kids from their moms and didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go with. Before he came home he mesaaged me to meet him in the kitchen in about ten minutes. That’s when I knew something was up.

I had gone to nap earlier in the afternoon, so distressed that I had not been acknowledged on Mothers Day. He came to bed to cuddle me and I told him that after the week we had, I needed him to talk to me. I told him I was still reeling from the hurt and felt an emotional disconnect between us. So he talked and I cried and 3 hours later we were still lying there in each other’s arms. I felt like that conversation went a long way to closing the chasm between us. Still he didn’t say one word about Mother’s Day. 

I resigned myself to the fact that it was not going to happen because I am not officially their step mom. 

Cue two hours later: he come home with the children, flowers, a card and cheesecake. The children hugged me and kissed me and I dissolved into tears. His son asks why I was crying and I tried to tell them they were happy tears. He threw his arms around me. They sat on me lap and helped me unwrap the flowers. The writing in my card read “you feel like my mom”.  

We had a family dinner and ate our cheesecake (which I haven’t purged). My boyfriend told me that he had been working on the surprise for a while. I told him that I had been waiting all day for some acknowledgement and had given up. He told me he was just waiting for the children because at the end of the day I will be their step mom and they needed to be there. Then he said, “I’m much better when there are no expectations”. 

I’ve been told before that my expectations are too high. That they are too high for myself and for others. I felt awful. I wished he had just hinted this morning at something coming later in the day, to allay my fear that on a day that celebrates mothers, I would not be acknowledged as one by the man who’s children I love. 

I still feel bad, guilty for expecting it. It is true that expectation is the root of all heartache. Perhaps I need to stop expecting anything. 

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2 thoughts on “Expectations 

  1. This is a beautiful ending!! I’m glad to hear you got the ending you deserve!! And an adorable card!! And a man finally coming around! ;]

    It is fair to say you have high expectation of yourself—that is what eating disorders do to us!!! Hellooooo!! But of others…from what I’ve read I don’t think it is fair for you to judge yourself has having high expectations of others. To me they seem reasonable and deserving. Don’t let other people’s opinions sway you of your goals and aspirations and determine your levels of expectations.

    Someone tried to tell me that once. Then I lowered it of others and I realized that I was in abusive friendships. Because I never shared to others what I tolerated. People are so quick to judge others without knowing your full story. Don’t let them rain on your parade ok?

  2. Grainne says:

    Omg this made me so happy to read!!!!! I don’t think you need to lower your expectation, my friend. You are wanting to be a family and you have every right to do so. They are lucky to have you…all three of them.

    I loved this. Loved. Xoxox

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