Boyfriends and Lies

I think I made my boyfriend suspicious last night.

He commented at dinner that I had eaten more than everyone at the table. When I got up to get seconds he said, “are you still hungry?” I asked him to stop talking about what I was eating and how much. He responded that he didn’t know when it was ok and when it wasn’t ok to talk about it. He said sometimes I do it (I use it to deflect) and he didn’t have a script to follow.

I didn’t bother explaining.

I went upstairs while him and the kids were watching a movie, ran the water in the bathroom and purged dinner. It took longer than it should have. When I came downstairs, he raised an eyebrow at me questioningly. I smiled and ignored him.

I ate more later on and then went to throw up again. I opened the bathroom door and he was standing right there, looking like he was walking to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I wanted some water so I was going to the kitchen, but now I don’t want any.” he went and sat back down on the couch. It was weird. Maybe I was just reading in to the situation.

I have another part of my ED assessment this week called “family therapy”. He is supposed to come and I have mixed feelings about it. I feel bad not being open with him about what is going on, but so much of what is triggering is to do with our relationship. One thing that is really upsetting me is that I feel he isn’t being honest with me. I feel like he is lying or hiding the truth about him and one of the mothers of one of his children. When I confronted him about the inappropriate messages they send each other, he tried to deny it. Then he got that scared look like he had been caught out and began trying to talk his way out. When I asked him if I could see the messages, he started to panic.

I never saw the messages in the end. I have a feeling they will have magically vanished by now.

I never ignore my gut instinct when I feel like a man is not telling me the truth. So far, i have never been wrong. I was hoping this man would be different to all the ones that came before him.

I am actually that dumb.

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8 thoughts on “Boyfriends and Lies

  1. littlevoicetalks says:

    You m’lady, are far from dumb. maybe just maybe you wanted to believe that human-kind were better than what you’ve seen previously. I call that generosity of spirit and looking for the good in people.

    Tough times. I know this scenario well. I had the email find of messages that were inappropriate … and the lies that followed were poor excuses.

    Life is a complicated affair, and I find all relationships full of complication too. Particularly new relationships after 30 because they come with a big dose of past.

    Wishing you courage and a lots of fortitude xx

  2. Grainne says:

    It would eat at me were my partner exchanging loving or intimate messages with an ex, co parent or not. I mean, yes they need to have a relationship because of their child but if he won’t show you the messages? I don’t like that one bit. 😦

    You know that you deserve to be treated like you are the most important sometimes right? Xx

    • I don’t think they are loving or intimate but he has a huge problems with setting boundaries with her. I think the messages are too many, too frequent and just conversational (nothing to do with the kid) and also things like messaging pictures etc. I think he is trying to hide them from me because I told him in October that if he didn’t set some boundaries I was leaving. I think he thinks he can be friendly with her, but my issue is how much of his time and attention it takes up because they are busy messaging back and forth about things that have nothing to do with the child’s well being or schedule. I’ve told him before that he choses her or me. If you don’t stay with the mother of your child then don’t message every 5 minutes or call mutiple times a day (emergencies aside). I asked him why he is holding on to her and why he won’t let go. It cuts me up.
      Thank you for validating that I should be treated like I am the most important. I feel like I come last on the long list of kids and exes. xx

      • Grainne says:

        I see what you mean. I think that sharing a lot of messages, photos and exchanging stories about daily life that has nothing to do with the kids is of an intimate nature. Sexual or emotional engagement counts in my books. If she was just some woman he was friends with that sort of constant connection would be considered emotional cheating… Or emotional abandonment. 😦 that’s what it feels like reading your words anyway.

        Keep telling him how you feel. He does need to make a choice with her if she’s clingy or taking up too much of his time. You really should come first… I wonder if he’s blind to what he has in you. He will figure it out one day I suppose. I hope soon. (Hugs).

      • I love your logic. You are so right that if they didn’t share a child that kind of messaging would be cheating. I have tried to tell him many times that they are broken up and need to behave that way. I keep reminding him that sharing a child does not negate that in any way. It breaks my heart that he cannot see it for himself and instead expects me to put up with it as he tries to justify it. I told him we will not survive if he doesn’t stop. I don’t blame her…she is a head case. I blame him because it takes 2 to keep up constant communication. I think I am going your explain it to him the way that you have in the hopes he might just get it! Thanks love!

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