ED and the ER

I ended up in emergency last week. Again. That is three times in four months if anyone is keeping track. Every hospital visit has been a direct result of my ED and the toll it has taken on my body.

The kidney infection I had five weeks ago came back with a vengeance despite a round of antibiotics. I had kept up some restrictive eating and the usual amount of purging, but couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so awful. I hadn’t realized that the kidney infection was still ongoing. Being dehydrated from purging obviously didn’t help my kidneys either. On Monday I was peeing blood and vomiting and had to leave work. I went to the hospital where I was treated in emergency with IV antibiotics and fluids.

At one point the doctor asked me for my medical history. I mentioned that I had issues with ED.

“What’s the current status on that?” he asked looking concerned.

I shrugged, “so-so”. I was too embarrassed to tell him how severe it is given that I am so fat. He made some notes and then proceeded to tell me that I was seriously ill.

I had to go back to hospital for 5 days in a row and get more IV antibiotics. The nurse was alarmed at how low my blood pressure was and how dehydrated I was. She called a doctor in who hadn’t seen me and he asked for my medical history. At this point my boyfriend was sitting in the room with me so I shrugged and told him that there was nothing to tell. I know that if I had told the doctor about my purging habit that the BP and dehydration would have made sense to him right away. He would have understood that my kidneys are struggling most of the time. I just couldn’t bring myself to have that conversation in front of my boyfriend.

I have only purged once since last week. I have been physically weak and exhausted so much so that I have struggled to work never mind go to the gym. I was actually scared for the first time in a long time that I might die from my ED. I had a dream that I had renal failure. Being in hospital every day and being so ill made me think that perhaps I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. I’m sure that feeling will pass and I will be back to “normal” in a bit.

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5 thoughts on “ED and the ER

  1. Grainne says:

    Sorry to hear things have been so difficult. Glad you’re on the mend though. I was wondering where you had gone…hoped you were okay.

  2. healing thoughts and energy. Namaste.

  3. daybyday says:

    I hate to be that person who wants to tell you all the terrible consequences of an ed and that death is a possibility with this disorder but I’m going to be that person. Recovery from this is hard but so is staying in it. As much as I miss it some days, I don’t wake up each day every day questioning if this is the day my body quits on me and that’s a pretty amazing thing to experience. This will never end well, you will never find a weight that feels ok because the disorder won’t let you. I hope you fight for something better. You deserve something better x

  4. I am so sorry you aren’t doing so well. I really hope things get better and I hope that you are able to have hope that it will too.

  5. K says:

    I am thinking of you, my dear, and wishing you a quick recovery. Please message me if you have any medical questions, too! I’m here to help!

    xoxo,
    K

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