Emergency

I got rushed to hospital last night about 36 hours after surgery. I had an allergic reaction to the pain killers I was given as they were contraindicated with thyroid drugs and the surgeon didn’t pick up on it.

By the time I got to triage, I was shaking uncontrollably and felt like I was having a heart attack. I was nauseous and dizzy and having trouble breathing. The nurse got me a bed right away because my heart rate had spiked. She asked me if I had been eating when I took my pills. I had been in so much pain because I couldn’t metabolize the medication and it made me so sick that I hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours. “You have to eat,” she admonished me as I lay on a bed. It is hard to explain to a nurse that I just hadn’t felt like it. I have actually lost my appetite since the surgery. I don’t even think it was my eating disorder despite wanting to restrict because I am incapacitated.

After 5 hours they had stabilized my vitals, given me a different narcotic pain-killer and re-bandaged my incision after checking for infection. Today I felt weak and exhausted. I slept for hours and didn’t eat until dinner time. I think I am feeling depressed now about being unable to do anything or go anywhere. I am still worried about how unfit and out of shape I will be after 6 weeks of no physical activity. Tomorrow I will weigh myself, standing on one foot of course.

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5 thoughts on “Emergency

  1. K says:

    My dear,

    I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. That must have been very frightening. You don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal, but are you on PTU or Levothroid? I would like to know more about this drug interaction. How are you feeling now? Is your pain controlled? Most narcotics should make you feel relaxed and even sleepy – I hope the new one does that for you. You sound like you really need some R and R!

    I am so screwed up that I am so jealous of you for feeling sick and not wanting to eat. I would do anything to lose my appetite.

    You have no idea how much it means to me that you are still checking up on me despite what you are going through. How I am existing right now is barely life. I’ve lost all my drive and the only thing I can seem to do is sit on my couch, watch TV and order take out. I know I am going to gain all that weight back. I go to work and go through the motions, smile, am nice to patients. But whenever I have a second to myself I remember how much I do not want to be alive right now and how much pain I am in and how this all doesn’t seem worth it. I am wasting precious resources and space on this Earth when there are so many other people who are more worthy of my degree, of growing up in a first world country, of my health and the opportunities I was given. I am just a waste.

    I know it’s hard but please try not to be too discouraged by not being able to do your normal activities for the next few weeks. Take time to do things you never had time to do, indulge in being lazy (you sound like you really deserve it! You’re always up and about). Remember that physically doing nothing right now IS being productive and is working towards your goal.

    I’m sorry this was rather incoherent.. everything is so hard for me right now…

    Love,
    K

    • K says:

      I just realized that I’m so out of it I got confused about the meds… PTU is for hyperthyroidism…

    • Dear K,

      Thank you for your kind comments and reassurances. I take Cytomel (synthetic T3) and Synthroid (Synthetic T4) and because of the hypothyroid, I couldn’t metabolize the pain meds so the codeine was building up in my system making me ill and not controlling the pain. I am on a much heavier drug now which works and makes me sleepy! I slept so much yesterday. I think I am feeling a bit depressed and alone today.

      I am sorry that you feel like such a waste. I can tell you that you are not even if you don’t believe me. I have often felt like a waste of a human being. I have prayed to God that he will take my life before any one in my family because I have wasted mine consumed with ED. The feelings pass from time to time. I don’t know if you have any faith, but the only hope I have is God. In the pit of despair there he is. I wish I could give you a hug or sit with you and let you know that you are not alone in all of this. I understand what it feels like to sit, watch tv and eat. I have spent much time in my life doing it and it is a hard cycle to get out of when you are feeling so bad.

      Please try to be kind to yourself a little bit. Perhaps go for a walk and get a coffee from a cafe you like. Sit there and watch the world go by…anything to interrupt the cycle of self abuse. Treat yourself to a workout or a new handbag or a book…I love book stores. I wish that there was someone you could call and hang out with even if you aren’t present. It’s ok to feel bad feelings and emotions. We are brought up to suppress anything that is “bad” and to only feel positive emotions. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to sit with the negative ones and rather than numb them, just feel them. I hate to do that but I have found that I don’t die of them if I don’t numb them with 7 bowls of cheesy pasta.

      Anyway, I am rambling…I am here if you need me. Please keep talking. I am keeping you in my prayers and sending a lot of love your way. Be strong, beautiful. You are worth so much more than this eating disorder.

      Love,
      J
      xx

  2. keedaa says:

    I’m so very glad that you’re ok! That sounds terrifying. Please try not to freak out too much about missed workouts while you recover. Once your pain is under control, there are some great seated toning workouts on YouTube. They helped me a lot after I broke my hip a few years ago.

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