Fat As Usual

 

I am fat. Nothing changes. I gave up purging for a few days after getting strep throat. I got very ill before I was smart enough to go and get antibiotics. Another 2 weeks in which I was too sick to go to the gym. The scale doesn’t budge. I under-eat but it is not really restrictive enough to make a difference. I loathe the numbers, the size, my reflection. I am huge. I am annoyed by myself all the time. I am fat. Always. Fat.

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14 thoughts on “Fat As Usual

  1. tlohuis says:

    I get so frustrated because on a good day I might get 500 calories in, but days like today, not even close to 500 and my damn scale will not move. Grrrrr……………………….

  2. tlohuis says:

    My doctor says my body is in starvation mode and it’s holding on to everything in order to survive. I cannot wrap my head around the idea of, eat more and lose weight. I’m going to have to resort to that 3 day diet, that will definitely make the numbers go down, it’s just a matter of whether I’ll be able to eat the crap for three days. It’s a quick way to lose at least 5 pounds. I love your gravatar picture, I guess they call it. That’s exactly what I see when I look in the mirror. I’m getting a feeding tube next week. I’ve had one before for 9 months and let me tell you it sucks. It’s a pain in the ass!

    • I’m sorry to hear about that. Keep me posted on your progress. I wish that you would be free of this xx

      • tlohuis says:

        Yeah, it sucks. Today the nurse called me and said I’m probably having surgery on Friday, but not for sure, yet, because he had to order the feeding tube and it hasn’t come in yet. I wish I could be free of this, too. The last feeding tube almost killed me. I’m terrified, but I have no other choice. I’m getting so weak and tired all the time and I’ve been really short of breath the last several days. Sigh……………….. I’ll let you know how it goes. I sure hope you never have to experience this. I wish you the best and hope, one day you can recover from this. I went to my primary care doctor today for my routine visit for prescription refills, lab work, and all that junk. she said, oh my you’ve lost a lot of weight. REALLY? It was only 7 pounds. Sigh………………………… Good luck to you!

      • I wish I could lose 7lbs. I am sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds horrible. I wish you strength to endure and courage to get well and healing. xx

      • tlohuis says:

        Now you know damn good and well, if you lost 7 pounds, you would just want to lose another 7 pounds. I know how the program works. LOL I’m on the same program. πŸ™‚ Thank you for your kind words. I gave you more details in my previous response. Get to feeling better, and then I will, deal? HUGS
        Peace out,
        Wild Thang:)

      • Hahahaha yes I know. I finally managed to get a few off and I am so thrilled. Can’t wait for more to fall off! I will respond to your other message too.
        xoxo

      • tlohuis says:

        Sure glad our paths have crossed. I look forward to chatting some more with you. I’m in the hospital so I don’t really get on her too much because I feel like shit, but you want to hear something funny? The day before I was readmitted to the hospital, I reached down on the floor right next to my bed to grab my laptop and it was so heavy, it pulled me off the bed onto the floor. LMAO! That’s how weak I am. Keep in touch. I think we have a lot in common. Just get that feeling. So, until then goodnight and peace out, fatty! LOL you can call me Mama Cass! LMAO you probably don’t even know who that is. Google her. That’s about what I look like.
        Peace and hugs,
        Wild Thang:)

      • I am glad we found each other too πŸ™‚ how long are you in hospital for? It sounds like you are in rough, rough shape so I am sending some love and prayers your way. I know who Mama Cass is – I am still not sure you are as fat as you say because our reality is so distorted. Why did you get a feeding tube? I am trying to recover from foot surgery but am being abused at work. It is causing me stress that they will not allow me to heal properly! And of course they make me feel bad about it so I can have debilitating anxiety over it. Anyway, not a lot new this side. I’m holding steady at my 5lb weight loss. Hoping for more of the same. Look after yourself and keep me updated on your progress xxx

      • tlohuis says:

        I was in the hospital for 4 nights after my surgery, and got out on a Tuesday, and that Friday I was readmitted for 12 more nights. That really sucked big time. Thanks for the love and prayers, but you better not be praying about me eating. LOL πŸ™‚ I can’t believe you know who mama Cass is. That is funny because I always call myself mama Cass. You can go straight to my blog and there’s a picture there of me with my feeding tube and you will see that I do, indeed, look just like mama Cass and I do need to lose about 100 pounds. I had to get the feeding tube because I have gastroparesis. My stomach is paralyzed and it’s just awful because I can’t eat. LOL πŸ™‚ You’ll have to look it up because it’s too much to explain. Just google it. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had foot surgery. Why did you have to have foot surgery? I wish you a speedy recovery. How are you being abused at work? Do I need to come over there and kick some ass? Oh, Anxiety, I know all too well about that, too. I’m having problems with the feeding tube and had to turn it off today and wait for the nurse to come out tomorrow and see what the problem is with the damn thing. You know I was so upset that I couldn’t get my tube feeding in today. I maybe got 200 calories in. Perfect day as far as calorie intake. Glad you’re holding steady and I know you’re not fat because there are no pictures of you on your blog that I’ve seen, anyway. I’ll keep you updated on my progress and you do the same, please. Hope you get to feeling better real soon. It’s almost 2:00 a.m. and I have to get up in less than 5 hours so I best shut down for the morning and try to catch a few zzzzzzz’s. have a good day, fatty. LOL JK you know that, I hope.:)

  3. bendy mind says:

    Poor thing. I’m typing this as I take a break from purging in the shower. Time to get back to it.

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