Saturday Night

Saturday NIght

I am sitting on a picnic blanket with my neighbours and roommates. One minute I am eating tomatoes and hummus; the next I am drunk, playing card games and eating a bag of chocolate chips.

Bulimia and alcohol do not mix. I haven’t eaten all day. I am drunk after two glasses of wine. Then I think it is a good idea to eat three peanut butter cookies. My evening of restriction is gone. Sometime around midnight, I am in the kitchen laughing uncontrollably, pouring another drink and funneling chocolate chips down my throat.

Eventually everyone calls it a night. I am so desperate to purge that I don’t care anymore. I run a hot, steamy shower to mask the sound of my vomiting. I stand up and stumble. I am light headed. I grab onto the side of the sink, the tub, I am dizzy. I think for a moment that I am about to faint. Everything happens in slow motion as I fall backwards. I still have more to purge – wine and cookies and liquer and chocolate chips and eventually I get down to the tomatoes and hummus. I don’t care if my roommates can hear me vomiting over the sound of running water. I don’t care. I just want to be empty.

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15 thoughts on “Saturday Night

  1. bendy mind says:

    *hugs* i hear you xoxoxxx. alcohol throws everything out the window. its a disinhibition and its already hard enough when you’re sober and trying to inhibit the stupid urges and voices. one little thing can send it all over the edge. tomorrow is a new day πŸ™‚ i really hope you’re feeling b etter.

  2. Pretty much the story every time I go to my brothers’.

  3. Aww the desperation… I feel the pain and flood of everything right there with ya. I understand. Hugs

  4. Do you mind if I the log this?

  5. heartlectics says:

    Yep. This is why I usually avoid drinking. The calories and the subsequent eating. Pay the price in relationships tho. Avoiding events 😦

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