I call to make an appointment for a ridiculously long list of blood tests that my doctor has ordered.
“You have to fast for 12 hours and I don’t have an appointment before 1pm. How are you with fasting?”
I laugh. Fasting is not a problem. Not drinking coffee all day to help me “fast” is.
All day I feel unwell. Another bulimia hangover. I am exhausted and shaky.
“Are you sick again,” a co-worker asks.
As soon as the tests are over I get a large coffee and wander back to ballet through the rain. It takes a nap to revive me. I know I have to stop bingeing and purging every night, but the cycle is too hard to break.
Next week I have a physical with my doctor and I will get the results of my blood tests. She tested me for celiac disease which I am not thrilled about. One of my friends (who is a former bulimic) just got diagnosed with it. I can’t help but wonder if we cause these things after all the years of abuse?
I also have a referral to an outpatient ED treatment program that I need my doctor to sign. I am still in two minds about whether I go down that road or not. I would rather not.