I will never know until it is too late. I will never understand all the damage I have done until there is nothing I can do about it. I can never know what will fail me first: kidneys or heart? I have no idea what exactly will take years off my life until the day I face the certainty that I will never have those years. I do not know if I can ever have the children I have longed for. I have never meant to die from this, but I know that it is killing me.