Don’t Judge

Don't Judge

I am out of town this week judging a dance competition which means someone else is responsible for all my meals. Big problem. I don’t like it and neither does my eating disorder.

On the first day they offered me:
1. A doughnut
2. Pizza
3. Caesar salad with a side of chicken (I’m vegetarian in case anyone forgot)
4. Chocolate on the judges table as a “snack”

I hate to be a high maintenance b***h, but I asked the organizer to take me grocery shopping at 11 o’clock at night so that I could get some healthy/safe foods to keep with me. We are in the theatre for about 15 hours a day and there is no opportunity to sneak away and take care of the food situation. There is also very little option to exercise as I go straight to bed when I get back to the hotel at midnight and can barely crawl back out at 6am to repeat the process.

The organizer of the competition (who is responsible for all us judges) is an ex-dance teacher who has a penchant for junk food. She eyeballs my breakfast every morning.
“Oh I see you are eating healthy again,” she feels the need to comment as she shovels waffles down the hatch. I put an apple in my bag to take the theatre; she takes a croissant, three bagels and an assortment of muffins.
“Here’s the salad you asked for. I got myself some McDonalds.”
It is painful to watch.

She comes skulking around the judges table when we are on a break and raids the basket of “snacks” next to me. She takes out all the chocolates.
“I like peppermint patties. Do you?”
I snap on my megawatt, competition smile, “well feel free to eat them because I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” she throws in my face.

Well both if you need to be so nosy, but hey, let’s not judge.

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19 thoughts on “Don’t Judge

  1. K says:

    Bitch.

    Love,
    K πŸ˜›

  2. I went into the treatment center this morning to get labs done for my insurance company. I meet with the nurse and she asks, “are you fasting?” I say that I am and she replies, “Oh, that must have been hard for you.”
    Meaning what? That I’m so fat that clearly I just spend my days eating so it must have been such a challenge to not eat for a few hours before coming in?
    I hate people.

  3. Tara Savage says:

    honor yourself and your needs, everything and everyone else can fall by the wayside. ❀

  4. So I am reading this and envisioning all sorts of things. First off, how awesome it would be to judge at a dance competition (yes, I am jealous) and I am thinking you must be sitting next to Abby Lee Miller LoL I often wish I had such talent (as you, not Abby…but I kinda like her too)!
    And then I am looking over at your “fat ballerina” picture knowing that she is as we see ourselves but in actuality nothing even close to reality….I am not sure how I feel about her, well actually I am, but I’m just not going to say!
    And then I am thinking about how proud I am of you….what strength you have and how proud of yourself YOU should be! You handled yourself superbly!
    Anyways, I could say more but i will stop while I am behind!

    • Well thanks for your positivity! I have to say it was not as glamorous as it sounded and Abby Lee Miller was nowhere to be seen. The food was such a struggle every day because the person feeding us kept eating KFC, McDonalds, pizza and doughnuts, so it’s easy to see why she didn’t understand that some of us wanted to eat healthy. Anyway, back to “normal”. How have you been?

      • sorry it was a struggle….but you DID survive. And it depends on which area of my life we focus on. Work is great, hubby is great, kids are great, but everything else is not so great (unfortunately I am just used to it)…will blog about it later or soon.

      • Will look forward to your post. I am sorry that you are used to it. Sad that it becomes normal after a while. I wish good things for you πŸ™‚

      • and I for you….that’s the nice thing about this community, everyone genuinely seems to care and want what is best for others. For me it is so much easier to love others, but when it comes to myself it is such a different story….and, btw, thank you.

      • I love this blogging community. It amazes me that we have such compassion for each other when we are strangers. That we cannot be kind to ourselves but we can be kind, concerned about and encouraging to others. And it is genuine. We love each other and want each other to find recovery even though we cannot love ourselves. I like the strength that we find in each other. Some days that is what lifts me up and carries me when I cannot stand by myself anymore.

  5. Yeah talk about triggers. So glad it was only a short time. That woman seems to have some hidden anger or possibly just truly does not understand eating disorders in any way. I tend to agree with the Bitch statement.

    • Thanks for the support. I think she was just dumb. I guess I expected more because she was an ex-dance teacher but it goes to show that even in this day and age people are so unaware/uneducated about ED. I am back home and back on track with my safe foods and restricting a bit.

      • It makes me shake my head still how people don’t try to understand. Their selfishness comes out in their action/inaction. Hoping you find some genuine comfort.

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