This is my first premeditated binge in a long time. I have forgotten quite how long.
I plot it while I am still at work. After another day of being haunted by my reflection in the studio, I snap. It is as though it is second nature. I have not forgotten this: hurriedly grabbing food at a grocery store, already euphoric; frantically eating on the drive home, oblivious.
1 bag of potato chips
4 bowls of pasta
3/4 of a block of cheese
7 wonder bars
2 glasses of Baileys
I eat and I am full right away. My body has forgotten how to binge. I purge. I lie on the couch. I watch tv. I binge again. I purge again. I spit blood. This my body has not forgotten how to do.
Then I sit on the side of the bathtub, empty and distraught. Knuckles scraped and throat raw, I sob. Something is missing from my soul.