The End Of Productivity

The End Of Productivity

I was going to be productive today on my day off. I had planned to go to gym: 30 minutes of HIIT and one hour of iron reps which I do every Monday. Instead I slept in, woke up and put baileys in my coffee. End of productivity.

I was out of town for work yesterday and I feel that it derailed my healthy eating and exercise which I am getting frustrated with. For four days I have had the urge to starve. On Saturday I consumed 537 calories. It felt better to me than 1200 which I have been reaching everyday. It felt like I was back to “normal”.

Not only have I had the urge to starve, but I have NOT had the urge to binge. This for me, is always the beginning of the next bout of starvation and weight loss and I am ready to welcome it with open arms. It has been too long.

“Have you lost weight?” I nodded at the colleague who never fails to notice my ever fluctuating body. “Just don’t go too far this time, ok?”

I walked away laughing. Too far? That’s my favourite place to be.

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7 thoughts on “The End Of Productivity

  1. heartlectics says:

    I know the pull. And yes it helps you feel in control and satisfies some areas… But…. What is your but? What else does it do? Why did you want to recover in the first place?

  2. whoreforthin says:

    Too far is my favorite place to be too. A apart of me wants to just have a normal relationship with food and then the other part of me forbids even thinking I can have a normal relationship with food. I want to recover but then I don’t because who would I be without my disorder? Hugs dear ballerina, I hope you’re having an okay day. 🙂

    • Thank you…I actually had a really lovely day yesterday until I came home and ate 3 bowls of cheesy pasta. I didn’t purge though. I feel hideous this morning but I am going to try and let it go. At the moment I am very into my gym obsession and am feeling guilty for not going today. It would be better to get up and go rather than sit here and feel bad about it! I know it is just too hard for us to feel “normal” about food. Perhaps one day you can think about it purely as fuel for your body? I know I have never got there. I hope that you are okay this weekend. I keep you in my prayers. xo

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