Eating Disorder Logic

Eating Disorder Logic

There are things, odd things, that only make sense to us.

Here are some of my personal ones:

1. I know laxatives only cause water loss. I eat a few boxes of extra strength ex-lax after a B/P just to be sure.
2. If I cannot eat an entire cake, box of cookies, giant bag of chips or an entire vat of ice cream, then I cannot be bothered. I won’t eat a slice of cake and keep it down. This makes no sense as eating an entire cake and purging it probably leaves behind more calories. Ditto for all the pots of pasta I consume. Why eat one plate when I can eat seven?
3. Mac and Cheese loves me.
4. If I can only love myself when I thin, then that must go for other people too.
5. If I don’t go to the gym I am a bad person.
6. If I am happy, I will binge. If I am sad, I will binge. If I am in love, I will starve.
7. Weight gain is a sign of failure of epic proportions. My ass is also of epic proportions.
8. Eating in public is wrong.
9. Cheese is always there for me.
10. I eat, therefore I am a fat ballerina.

Feel free to share your ED logic with me!

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21 thoughts on “Eating Disorder Logic

  1. jellyjennybean says:

    Love love love this!!! It is so true! It’s like a visual representation of my brain. Haha 😛

  2. belovedone06 says:

    very true.
    sad..but true.
    ED = lies and unhappiness

  3. Oh man, all relatable. Some big ones for me are:

    1. one=one million. If I have one chocolate, one piece of fruit, one anything it is the same as if I have had a million pieces so therefore I might as well keep on eating.
    2. attempt to fill stomach with tanking, because a bloated stomach looks different than a overweight one (?!)
    3. Body = self esteem. Wont go out at featherweight, wont go out at average weight, wont go out at borderline overweight.
    4. I participate in life on a daily basis, based on how much control I feel I have that day over food.

  4. Can I post this on my Facebook page for NEDA Awareness Week? It is pure honesty and truth. I have these so much too! I know for me it is the whole: I am feeling thin so lets wear a lot of clothes. I feel fat lets wear a lot of clothes. I feel fat is one of my favorites. Even though fat is not a feeling and I try to find what I am feeling over using the word fat. I could so go on and on….great post!

  5. K says:

    Hello Love,

    Reading this made me realize how effed up I am. I think like this, too. If I can’t eat 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s and throw it up I won’t touch it. Even though in the end I’m probably ingesting more calories than if I had just had 1/2 cup. I also stay in on weekend nights to save on calories but end up bingeing and purging on boxes of Domino’s pizza. Additionally, I will eat boxes of cookies and Poptarts but won’t touch full-sugar Coke. WTF?? I really hate myself sometimes. I ended up binging yesterday (and it was unscheduled) because I could not deal with this guy uncertainty. I’m such a wimp.

    Anyways I actually really have nothing constructive to write… sorry 😦 I just wanted to ask you what laxatives you use and to tell you to try to avoid stimulant laxatives like Senna and Bisacodyl. They actually work on the nerve plexus of the intestines. And as you know, all laxatives (except fiber) can cause rebound constipation or dependence in the end. When I am restricting like mad I only go once every 3 days because I eat so little, and that’s when I use Docusate. Now apparently it actually allows some incorporation of fat into the stool as well as water, which is great! (Sorry this is the worst advice ever from some one who’s going to be a healthcare professional and I do feel guilty almost encouraging you on laxative use but I am by no means a well-adjusted person and if you are going to do it anyways, might as well do it in the most effective way possible.)

    Ugh sorry this comment is a mess.

    • Hi K,

      Thanks for the laxative advice. I usually take ex-lax when I need too which I know is bad for me, but hey, when it comes to ED I am not that intelligent!

      I won’t drink full-fat, full-sugar coke too. And many times I have avoided nights out to save money and ended up bingeing at home instead. So sad.

      How is the guy? I hope he has responded by now. If not, I hope you do not waste too much energy on him. You deserve better!

      Love,
      FB

      • K says:

        Hello Love,

        Maybe you could try Docusate? I looked up the names in Canada and they can be sold as: Apo-Docusate-Sodium®;Colace®;Colax-C®;Novo-Docusate Calcium;Novo-Docusate Sodium;PMS-Docusate Calcium;PMS-Docusate Sodium;Regulex®;Selax®;SoflaxT.

        Ex-Lax is a sennoside and could be linked to potentially precancerous lesions in the colon. 😦

        The guy did message me; first, I might add. I made him sweat it out. I actually confronted him again about how I thought he was being sketchy because I didn’t feel like I got everything off my chest the first time. He apologized again for things coming across as such and said that he really wanted to hang out. So, we’ll see…

        I hope you had a lovely weekend 🙂 I think it’s a long weekend up there in Canada, too?

        xoxo,
        K

      • K,

        yes it was a holiday here too so I ate too much as usual!

        I am glad you made the boyo sweat a little bit. I hope you see a vast improvement and soon!

        I will look into the laxatives that you suggested instead. It makes sense to do the least amount of damage possible when doing damage.

        Keep me updated on your goings on.

        xoxox
        FB

  6. ED logic

    If I perform surgery on a tiny muffin by breaking it into tiny bits and leave something on the plate I won’t feel like a disgusting pig

  7. heartlectics says:

    I think the best one has got to be…Feel bad about being fat, so eating to feel better. Total logic!

  8. Wow, sad how many of the same thoughts are shared!
    1. The way I look on the outside should match the miserable way I feel on the inside.
    2. I am mad at you so let me but you a present.
    3. I am angry at you so watch me starve.
    4. Butter is evil.
    5. There must always be a large supply of laxatives at home, just in case…no one can believe I take hundreds at a time.
    6. I can’t believe that I have panic attacks about my food being prepared wrong.
    7. Is that really skim milk they are using in my Skinny Latte?
    8. Sugar is evil but I eat jelly bellies without guilt
    9. If I start eating I can’t stop
    10. That which nourishes me also destroys me
    11. No more than one carb…dinner cannot break this rule..usually I have zero but the rule is only one.
    Could go on and on…sadly my rules make sense to me

  9. All of this.

    I want to caution you on the laxative use. I’ve been in the ER twice this year as a result of laxative abuse. I understand it’s easier to tell you to be careful than it is to stop using them, but I care about you and your health.

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