S**t People Say To Me

“You actually look thin in this photo! What happened?”

Said photo was taken 10 days ago and this comment was from a beloved colleague who knows my struggles with ED and even worse, has battled her own eating disorder for 40 years.

“Men love a soft, sexy body,” from another (thin, ex-bulimic) colleague who also knows my issues.

“You should just embrace the body you have. You have curves! And boobs!” from my former friend who (yet again) is aware of my eating disorder – past and ongoing. Just FYI: curves + boobs + sexy = FAT.

All of these comments have been made to me in the last week. In the 21 years that I have suffered from ED, people have said countless stupid things to me. I feel compelled to write a book called “Things Not To Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder, You Idiot”.

Some days I wish I hadn’t deliberately forgotten half of these silly, have-you-lost-your-effing-mind statements. I could make my fortune off them. Sadly, a lot of them are from the people who are closest to me who should just know better. I could say they are well meaning, but I don’t believe that they have thought it through.

“You looked much better when you came home 2 years ago and were 10lbs lighter. What were you doing then to be so thin? Can you do it again?” This gem is from (bless his heart) my brother-in-law. Two years ago when I went home so much thinner I was starving, purging and over-exercising. Yes, I can do it again. I am doing it again right now.

The kicker, (or should I say the kick in the teeth?) this week was from my recovery group when I announced to them that I was quitting recovery: “Well to be fair it seems like you don’t really want to get better. It’s like your self image is more important to you.”

You know what is the best thing to say to someone with an eating disorder?

Nothing. ED is busy talking to them already. Just walk the f**k away before you do some real damage.

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10 thoughts on “S**t People Say To Me

  1. Lex Lake says:

    AMEN SISTA! I feel your feels…some people just never get a clue, huh?
    Sending lots of love your way! You deserve it 🙂

  2. Mel says:

    Comments like those make me want to smack people on the head, like in those V8 commercials.

    I truly believe those types of comments are really only reflective of how the sayer sees himself/herself and their own reality. It’s hard to remember that because it feels so personal, but I guarantee it says more about the other person. I know your friends/coworkers/family all mean well, but like you said, they should just say nothing when it comes to your body and eating. Who gave them the right to chime in anyway?

    As for the group facilitator…wow. I hate to say it, but I feel like her saying that just proves that you should focus your energy elsewhere. Like you said, your ED does enough talking – do you really need one more voice telling you that you can’t do it?

    You’re perfect as you are , FB! Sending you hugs!

    • Thank you for the hugs and encouragement! I like your comment “who gave them the right to chime in?”

      Really at the end of the day, peoples’ bodies should not be for us to speak about in any way. I will try and remember that quote. You are full of wisdom 🙂

  3. littlevoicetalks says:

    Completely hear you on this. I had a therapist once who said “but your not even thin Little Voice!” I also when at my lowest weight and was delirious had many of my friends say “wow you look amazing, I wish I was like you!” I was actually living on fumes and thought I was about to die, massive scabs over my knuckles, burst blood vessels across my face and white as a sheet. One person said “You have an eating disorder? God I’d love to be anorexic, think about all the clothes you’d look good in.” And “You’ve put on weight, you cheeks are all lovely and chubby.” Thankfully, I never turned around and said “Say what Big Ears?” xx

  4. dontsayes says:

    oh the comments that the people have the nerve to say. I know there hard to hear and honestly I don’t think it ever gets easier, but please know that they are just ignorant and clueless. *hugs*

  5. k says:

    I’d buy the book! “Things Not To Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder, You Idiot.” What a laugh it would be to read. I could probably contribute a few as well.
    “You probably don’t eat sweets because you’re so thin but would you like a Rice Krispie square?” an unknowing co-worker asks.
    I want to tell her to fuck off.

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