Insanity and Cabbage Soup

Insanity and Cabbage Soup

I started two things this week.

1. The Insanity workout program.
2. The Cabbage Soup Diet

Since I am pretty sure that I am clinically insane, these made total sense to me. Recovery ended about 4 weeks ago and I am back to restricting most days and purging everyday.

On a positive note, I am still going to my recovery meetings every week. For the most part I sit there and watch the girl next to me eating donuts and fantasize about bingeing. It is a 12 step recovery program for all sorts of addicts so I am in a mixed small group with recovering alcoholics, drug users, EDs, sex abuse/addiction and a variety of other hard to pin point issues.

My biggest issue with this otherwise great program is that there is food at every meeting which gives me the giggles. I wonder how they would feel if I put vodka and cocaine on the food table? Seriously, who goes to recovery for ED when there are donuts around?! I ate my cauliflower, kept my f***ed up thoughts to myself and moved on.

My doctor upped my thyroid medication two weeks ago which should also help my uncontrollable weight gain. It will take some time to take effect but hopefully when I am no longer gaining weight just by breathing, it will be easier to focus on recovery. Every day I am astounded by the irony that after 20 years of ED, I got a disease that makes me fat.

I ask God every day why he tortures me.

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4 thoughts on “Insanity and Cabbage Soup

  1. sweetrosey says:

    I’m with you on the fucked up donuts; what were they thinking! Take care of yourself. The irony bites, but you can get past this obstacle.

  2. Have you thought about asking the moderator about not having food at the meeting? Or at least having it in a different room? I am sure they wouldn’t mind. Or maybe even in the circle mention how it makes you feel. 12 Step groups are pretty open to that….good luck with your journey!

  3. Mel says:

    FB:

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs!

    I’m struggling with some similar health issues… not sure if it’s thyroid or what… so I can totally relate when it’s hard enough having an eating disorder, yet on top of that, your body makes it difficult to function properly and burn calories like it should. Grumble! Have you ever had your cortisol levels checked? The past few months I’ve been gaining despite eating normal amounts (been trying not to starve myself)…. but I’ve been having a lot of hypo symptoms and symptoms similar to Cushing’s…. I have a strange layer of fat accumulating on my back which is embarrassing, not to mention I can barely recognize my face in the mirror because it is so swollen (I don’t purge so that’s not a cause). I keep chopping off my hair because it isn’t growing and I have lost so much hair in the past few months… 😦 It’s hard being able to function in social settings when my health plummets and leaves me looking like a hobbit (I seriously look like the hunchback with this fat accumulation). Bahhh! And my normal doctor is a “C you next Tuesday” about checking all my levels, so I have an appointment on Monday with a doc who happily checks every aspect of my blood… it’s sad, because my reg doc won’t check for things like cortisol, because I haven’t gained a ridiculous amount of weight. It’s like, “Oh, let’s wait until she gains half her weight until we check for everything!” Idiots.

    And insanity!!! I had a hairdresser that did that and her arms were so ridiculous! She was incredibly lean, like a dancer, and claimed that the video helped her eat whatever she wanted in moderation (made me jealous).

    I pray that the up in your medication helps!!!!!!! Stay positive and think happy thoughts… we are all our worst critics, after all!

    ❤ M

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