I chopped off half my hair today.
I came home from a work lunch, binged, purged and chopped my hair off.
I have had fine, thin hair all my life, but a few years ago when I got hypothyroidism, half my hair fell out. Since then, no matter what medication or supplements I take, my hair remains thin. Even my hairdresser joked that she couldn’t give me extensions because there are “only four hairs to stick them on”. I’m sure ED doesn’t help the situation, but I know it is not the main cause. After my break up at Christmas, I lost even more hair. In six months, none has grown back.
I do everything I can for my poor hair. I don’t heat style, I put coconut oil in it and I wash it with fancy argon oil shampoo that is free of anything bad. Nothing gives. Today I styled it (a rarity) and half an hour later looked in the mirror. Three, sad, limp rats’ tails hung down my back. It gave me rage.
All my life I have wanted long, gorgeous locks. Ballerinas mostly have long hair for wearing in a bun and to me there is nothing more feminine or beautiful than long hair. I have had it as long as mid shoulder blades lately. It won’t grow longer or thicker and I can’t wear it down because it is so ratty.
Today, as I have done before, I fantasized about chopping my shitty, measly pony tail off. And I did. I didn’t go to a hairdresser (I spend all my money on binges). After purging, I grabbed my scissors and hacked it off.
I now have a thin, limp, ugly, shoulder length bob. If only the rest of me could be thin too.