I have debilitating anxiety today. I am currently binge eating granola and full fat Greek yogurt. Although I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, there have been periods in my life where it has been extreme. I usually recognize it but, am powerless to do anything about it at this point.
The cause of it today is that I am having problems with one of my roommates (I own the condo and have lengthy rental agreements for anyone who moves in). He basically moved his girlfriend into my house without my permission and today I finally messaged him to tell him that as much as I love both of them, I cannot have four adults living in a three bedroom condo with one bathroom especially since she isn’t paying rent. Instead of apologizing, he immediately turned into a complete dick over the situation and is now trying to move out early without forfeiting his security deposit. The situation (via text message) has escalated and got quite intense. I kept reiterating that he signed a rental agreement in which he is not allowed over night visitors and has to give a month’s notice or he will lose his security deposit.
He has got defensive and aggressive no matter how much I tell him I don’t want us to fight and all afternoon it has given me a nasty, sick feeling (anxiety). Why are men (in particular) so stupid?
I mentioned to him that I have already been lenient in altering his move out date which he changed from the original agreement. He does drugs and smokes (on the balcony) even though in the interview he told me he didn’t and because he takes it outside, I leave it alone. He hasn’t cleaned a common area since he moved in six months ago, even though that is also in his rental agreement and once again I did the nice thing and didn’t say a word. I constantly have to pick up after him – he leaves doors unlocked, he lets my cats escape and he cannot for love or money close a f**ing cupboard door or take out the garbage. Nothing annoys me more than cleaning up after adults but, if I don’t, my house would be an unbearable place to live.
I have learned another good lesson here. I am too nice and I am too stupid. Every time I am nice to people (boyfriends, roommates, colleagues), some of them try to take advantage of me. At that point I put my foot down and then they make out that I am the one being unreasonable. I immediately feel like a horrible bitch even though they are the ones who are at fault for abusing my kindness.
I have had enough drama in my life lately that I don’t need to come home to an unhappy household. This roommate and I have gotten along well until now even though a lot of his habits annoy me (see above about keeping silent). My other roommate has been a miserable bag since she moved in but, she plays by house rules and will be out in two weeks.
I was having an ok day ED-wise today until this argument blew up and then the only way I could calm myself was to binge. I hate him for causing me anxiety and discomfort in my own home. And more than that I hate him for not being man enough to do the honourable thing. I have big issues with men who act like children (mostly related to my ex). I have bigger issues with men who cannot keep their word.
I can’t blame him for how I choose to deal with my anxiety but, I am still mad that he would put me through this. I am sitting here debating when to purge, if I should go to yoga (to work out some rage) and what it is going to be like when my roommate comes home. I hate being awkward and uncomfortable in my own house. It isn’t right.
Anyway, vent over. I am waiting for him to respond to my last message and I am waiting for the cable guy to come and go so I can (hopefully) purge soon. I am going to write another article about stupid men in a minute.