My health kick lasted approximately 36 hours. Today I woke up, ate the same high protein foods as yesterday and went to work where I danced for 3 hours and did 1.5 hours of hot yoga. My day was going well but I had this heavy, fat feeling. My stomach was bloated and I hated the sight of myself in the studio mirrors.

I came home binged, purged and threw back a handful of laxatives. I plan to get back on my diet of safe foods tomorrow, but I recognize this pattern of healthy eating all day and puking all night. It is ominously familiar. I want it to go away. I also want to be thin, thinner, thinnest.

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7 thoughts on “Derailed

  1. Roxy says:

    Hugs lovely x

  2. worschula says:

    I can’t imagine how hard and stressful this must be…you try to respect the rules you gave to yourself and then break them…and punish yourself…it would drive me crazy…

  3. Xanthic says:

    Stay safe, and take care. I’m thinking of you. X

  4. alexxrae says:

    All my thoughts and prayers are with you. If I had all the right things to say, I would. But today, just this: Why not try? Your worst day in recovery is better than your best day with an eating disorder.

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