Today we went to a fancy restaurant for a friend’s birthday. After days of restricting, purging and laxative abuse, I decided to order a frittata with a side of potatoes and avocado. For some reason I just wanted to treat myself to a meal without caring about calories and fat and how I would get rid of it.
My meal came out without the potatoes and avocado and the waitress apologized for wrongly describing the meal to me. She didn’t however, offer to swap it for something else. The frittata was bland and was served with a limp side of lettuce so I decided (after 2 bites) it wasn’t worth the calories and refused to eat it. My friends looked at me in horror. They tried to coerce me into sending it back and ordering something else, but the lunch had been ruined for me. I am such an all-or-nothing personality – well, at least my ED is – and I just couldn’t be bothered after that. I took it as a sign from God that I didn’t need to eat and that I didn’t deserve a treat after all.
My friends ate their meals with gusto. I watched jealous and enraged as they tossed back pizza and burgers and fries without a second thought. They all ordered dessert which I also refused. I knew they were uncomfortable with my behaviour, but at that point I didn’t care. ED won. Again.