Failing ED; Failing Me

Good news! My plateau ended. Bad news…..it ended with me gaining weight. Over Spring break and Easter, I took a few days off ballet and went to the gym every day. I still restricted and purged any binges but obviously not enough. Perhaps a few too many glasses of wine? Whatever. Imagine how thrilled I was to have gone back to work heavier after waiting to break my plateau that went on for weeks. The mirrors taunted me all day.
I have decided that since I can’t succeed at ED that there is little point in keeping it up. Right now I am suffering all the side effects of bulimia and none of the benefits (and by that I mean weight loss).
Here is a list of the toll it is taking on my health:
  • dull, dry, acne prone skin that is aging badly
  • thin, brittle hair that keeps falling out
  • soft, peeling nails that won’t grow
  • scarred knuckles
  • sore throat
  • weak bones (I have ANOTHER stress fracture)
  • constant injuries from overexercising/malnutrition
  • sensitive teeth
  • blurry vision
  • migraines
  • thyroid issues
  • chronic exhaustion
  • electrolyte imbalances
  • dehydration
  • poor muscle tone
  • fatigue and lack of energy
  • mood swings – irritability, anxiety, depression
  • no money because I spend it on binges

I feel like all of the above would be worth it if I was thin. As I am not thin, I might have to rethink my game plan because gaining weight again is a worse ED mind f**k than the plateau.

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2 thoughts on “Failing ED; Failing Me

  1. *nudge, nudge* I hear recovery is nice.

    (By that I mean, once you get past all the hard shit.)

    Take care of yourself. I like you.

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