Good news! My plateau ended. Bad news…..it ended with me gaining weight. Over Spring break and Easter, I took a few days off ballet and went to the gym every day. I still restricted and purged any binges but obviously not enough. Perhaps a few too many glasses of wine? Whatever. Imagine how thrilled I was to have gone back to work heavier after waiting to break my plateau that went on for weeks. The mirrors taunted me all day.
I have decided that since I can’t succeed at ED that there is little point in keeping it up. Right now I am suffering all the side effects of bulimia and none of the benefits (and by that I mean weight loss).
Here is a list of the toll it is taking on my health:
- dull, dry, acne prone skin that is aging badly
- thin, brittle hair that keeps falling out
- soft, peeling nails that won’t grow
- scarred knuckles
- sore throat
- weak bones (I have ANOTHER stress fracture)
- constant injuries from overexercising/malnutrition
- sensitive teeth
- blurry vision
- thyroid issues
- chronic exhaustion
- electrolyte imbalances
- poor muscle tone
- fatigue and lack of energy
- mood swings – irritability, anxiety, depression
- no money because I spend it on binges
I feel like all of the above would be worth it if I was thin. As I am not thin, I might have to rethink my game plan because gaining weight again is a worse ED mind f**k than the plateau.