It has been a good start to the day. Still making up for my binge on Sunday with an hour on the elliptical yesterday and today.
I miss my eliptical so much….so very much….
I moved out of state, I couldn’t take it with me. And also, in a roundabout sort of way, yes, ED. I moved to get treatment.
So very true…
I can’t count how many times in treatment I got in trouble for my need to redeem myself through exercise. One of the worst feelings in the world is the overwhelming NEED to move and the fear that not doing the exercise you’re convinced you need to do will cause you to not only gain weight RIGHT THAT INSTANT but also you might physically explode from the anxiety.
Wow that’s terrific! Love the elliptical! Keep it up.
You are better than that machine. And there is so much more to you than numbers. If you need a friend, I’m here.
Now, that’s a number I can stand behind 🙂
I don’t know if you’ve discovered this amazing chica on WordPress, but her post today seems particularly appropriate to this entry http://loveletterstobee.com/2013/03/27/loving-my-body-and-loving-my-warrior-story/
Hope you’re doing ok and remember to be gentle to yourself!! xoxo, g.
You are the sweetest.
Numbers numbers go away! I tried to go a day without numbers, the checking, the adding up, over compensating in case I missed something. Numbers dance behind my eyes all day. Imagine all the great things my brain could be doing with the energy it spends counting calories, activity, weight, BMI. Exercise is I suppose a safer place than purging but not if your body is in pain or injured. How did the elliptical feel- ok or painful?
It was a fight for me to stop both the orthorexia and the purging, but in order to save my sanity if not my life, I had to. I’m in my late 40’s and when I started exercising again after a long time not doing so, I promised myself that I would no longer equate it with weight loss or use it as punishment for eating certain things or a certain amount. For the first time, I truly enjoy exercise. I know the compulsion. It’s hard to stop it. I don’t look like a magazine model by any stretch of the imagination, but I have had to learn to be okay with that.
I do that too. Am in great shape (thin & fit) as a result, but the gym (2 hrs. aerobics every other day plus weights) is taking over my life. I am SO EXHAUSTED on the off days & need to devote a lot of time to stretching as a result. I’m getting too old for this…older than you think.
I do that too. Am in great shape (thin & fit) as a result, but the gym (2 hrs. aerobics every other day plus weights) is taking over my life. I am SO EXHAUSTED on the off days & need to devote a lot of time to stretching as a result. I’m getting too old for this…older than you think. Embarassed to say because the binge/exercise purge thing to be…perfect (?) is so fucked up.
I was always (naturally) thin, with a really good shape & capacity to eat & stay thin that amazed college roommates. But I secretly worried about calories & my self worth was all wound up with body image. I have now reached the dysfunctional point where I HAVE to be the SKINNEST person in the room, or that I even know of, or all is lost, I’m not good enough. Skinny = pretty, worthy et al. I compulsively count calories, weigh everuthing I eat. Look thin, but seeuch abouty body to criticize even if others do not. Am mostly afraid to step on a scale, fear it will confirm tjat I’m not good enough.
I was doing so much better for a few months. Still exercising & calorie counting, nut allowing muself some GUOLT FREE indulgences
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