Plateaus: the great ED Mind F**K

I plateaued weeks ago. After I relapsed heavily into ED during my break up in December, I dropped a bit of weight quickly but lately it has not been budging. It is too frustrating for words. I actually feel like not only am I not losing anymore but I might actually be starting to gain weight again. I am too scared to weigh myself but just to make sure, I think I will need to start weighing to keep things under control. I am too scared to weigh myself because I know that the numbers will be too high for me to bear.
I wonder what is wrong with me? Did my body just freak out? I follow the same pattern every day:
  • calorie restriction during the day (rice crackers, green tea, veggies and a bit of hummus)
  • hot yoga at night
  • binge/purge episodes a few times a week (some laxative abuse thrown in for good measure in case I don’t manage to puke up everything)

How I don’t look like a skeleton is beyond me.

One of my coworkers said today, “how do you stay so nice and slim.”

That sent me into a rage. Not “thin” or “skinny”…..”slim” is just another synonym for “normal” which is another synonym for “fat”. I don’t want to be slim. I shouldn’t be slim when I put this much time and effort into ED. I should look like a walking sack of skin on bone. I don’t and that is the great ED mind f**k as far as I am concerned.*

Anyone have an ideas on getting passed this plateau or has anyone had similar experiences?

 

*Thanks to Greta for coining the phrase!

**I have hypothyroid which contributes to my inability to lose weight

***I have been off the pill for 3.5 months since my break up and just had my period so maybe my hormones are haywire?

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Plateaus: the great ED Mind F**K

  1. Oh my god you totally said it… plateauing is the biggest mind f*** ever. I’m sorry you’re experiencing one! It’s beyond depressing. For me, it means it’s time to switch up my safe foods (read: ADD PROTEIN!!) and maybe even my meal times to trick my body’s metabolism into gearing up again. It could be totally mind over matter, but it seems to work for me. The issue, obviously, is when you move to different foods it opens up the possibility to lose control but if you go slowly and just incorporate in some protein to kick start your metabolism, then I bet you might see some movement on the scale. Good luck sweetie!

  2. berryleigh says:

    I’m plateauing right now. I have been since november/december and it messes with your mind! Before that, I had a certain routine that made me lose exactly 1,5 lb every week. Now everything is messed up! It really kills you mentally, I know. I’m sorry to say that I have no idea what you could do. :c I wish you all the best though, really.

  3. kanundra says:

    With any diet, or even with an ED it is inevitable that it will reach this point. When I was at my worst. I ate one cup of soup a day and two slices of toast in the evening. This was also while swimming and exercising every day sometimes twice a day. )in the end hubby banned me from the pool) I only ever drank black coffee and diet coke. The weight never budged. There was nothing I could do to get past that point and I never could. Eventually when I saw some pictures of myself. I realised I didn’t want to look like that. I didn’t look like ‘me’. It helped me to seek more support.

    • So similar to my experience. I reached a point where I couldn’t lose any more weight, no matter how little I ate or how much I exercised. It’s called set-point theory. It’s biological, and there isn’t much you can do about it. I really wish someone had told me that before I got sick in the first place.

      • kanundra says:

        It really sucks doesn’t it. Nothing you can do either. I wish I’d known about it too. Thanks for the reply, take care.

  4. Greta says:

    Ugh, I hate you have to deal with this as well – as if the ed itself is not enough. I went through periods of being extremely thin and then despite the same behaviors I was gaining madly. I guess the body just acts on its own when the brain can’t handle the situation – or maybe it’s the brain… Hell, I wish I never went through that.
    I hope you are ok, hun! Besides the fuck the scale or people say – you are beautiful 😉

  5. Hypothyroidism + ED = suck
    So much suck.
    For a while, I ended up abusing my thyroid meds in an attempt to “help” the weight loss. I just ended up making myself really sick and still not losing.

    • I got heart palpitations, nervousness, insomnia, fatigue, jittery, leg and arm aches, chest pain, dizziness, fainting, etc.
      When I stopped abusing it, and started taking my normal dose, the doctor had to raise my dose to 6 times what I had previously been prescribed because I made my thyroid dependent on the meds and it just stopped working. Now losing any weight is extremely difficult, but gaining is oh-so-easy. Yay me!

  6. I know this isn’t helpful at all, but three words:

    Set. Point. Theory.

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