Words of wisdom at yoga tonight: ‘let go of the things you can’t control’. ED is, at the heart of it, about control. Letting go is one thing I am not good at. Perhaps there is a false sense of security in hanging onto things or people that feels like control. At ballet today a co-worker poked me in the ribs.
“What do you think are you doing?” I asked.
“Counting your ribs,” he said.
“Because it is so easy. They stick out so much,” he answered as I squirmed away.
I felt a sick feeling of satisfaction after 2 months of starving and puking. I came home and ate egg whites and mustard for dinner. This ‘control’ may be an illusion but, it’s a good one. There is no letting go today. Maybe tomorrow.