I was so hungry last night that I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t thrown up in 3 days but I have been trying to restrict my intake somewhat. At the end of the day, ED is so deeply rooted that I what I really want is to be thin. More specifically, I want thin thighs.
My boyfriend’s family finally left on the weekend which was a huge relief for me. Yesterday we went bike riding in the sunshine and made dinner together and I felt happy, lighter, freer than I had in days. I want to try and get back to the point where I was working out and eating only healthy foods because it was better than the bingeing and starving phase of the last few weeks. I just don’t know what is normal anymore. Yesterday I saw a reflection of myself and wanted to die. If I really look like that then shoot me and put me out of my misery. I am going to yoga in a few minutes to kick off the week with something positive but my biggest fear is what to do about this insatiable hunger. It is eating me alive.