Last night I had a bit of a break down after a disagreement with my boyfriend. He didn’t understand my need to make ‘healthy’ vegetarian burgers for our BBQ tonight and thought we could just buy frozen ones in a box. I had to tell him that I have been struggling lately and that when I ask to make and eat something that I really want, that he honour that instead of fighting against it. I had to tell him that for me that is a healthier choice to make in my life than bingeing/purging or starving. I know in the end he understood because he told me that it shed more light on why our trip to the grocery store had been so unpleasant.
Last night was the first night in a month that I didn’t binge and purge. I chose not to eat dinner and believe it or not, this felt like a step in the right direction to me because it felt like I was breaking a cycle. I wanted to eat dinner but his step mom wasn’t making anything that I felt safe eating so I opted out pleading a migraine. To most people this would not seem like an improvement but I felt better this morning for not having spent last night purging. I have more energy and I ate a breakfast consisting of a banana, peanut butter and gluten free crackers. In a few minutes I am off to yoga which is always a good thing for me.
Today feels like a better day after my mini confession last night and the absence of purging. I feel like I just turned a corner back towards my recovery. I am even looking forward to eating my veggie burgers tonight!