Tonight my boyfriend’s sisters have organized dinner at a restaurant. Even though I’m ‘recovered’ my first instinct is to panic. I don’t know this restaurant or their menu. I like eating out when I know that I can order salad without nuts and with the dressing on the side.
Sister #1 calls and says “they have pasta and pizza so lots of vegetarian options for you.”
This confuses me. Pizza and pasta don’t fit in my current eating mold of clean foods that are mostly dairy and gluten-free. I love pasta it used to be my go to binge food but if I’m not purging then I don’t want to eat it. Too many calories to even begin to fathom. So I have been eating lightly all day, teaching ballet all day and now I’m going home to run or bike so no matter what happens later I have created a calorie deficit. Fingers crossed they have a half decent salad because otherwise the guilt will ruin a great streak this week.
I have had 3 wheat/gluten-free days and 2 dairy free days so far this week. Every night my boyfriend and I have been bike riding together and I appreciate the extra motivation to be healthy. Operation “fat ass” is in its second day and although I can’t see results I’m enjoying the satisfaction of having a new goal that I am working towards. I just don’t want tonight to derail my good intentions and send me into full on binge mode.
Somedays I would give my eye teeth to be a ‘normal’ person ordering whatever they like in a restaurant but in general I am disgusted by normal (fat) bodies and would rather be a food freak than look like that even with all the eyeball rolling I get from refusing to eat salad dressing. In the long run it is worth it.